"TheHondaBro" (wwaveform)
04/26/2016 at 19:27 • Filed to: None
15
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"TheHondaBro" (wwaveform)
04/26/2016 at 19:27 • Filed to: None | 15
| 30 |
TheHondaBro, esquire
ADDRESS: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington D.C. [zip code]
PHONE: (555) 420-6969
FAX: Lol who tf still uses a fax machine?
Reasons why I’m qualified:
I know headlines, I have the best headlines.
I love cars. Many of my best friends are cars, and they love me.
I also love Chinese cars. I will write exclusively about Chinese cars.
I’m a businessman. I once sold Honda Ribs at many CompUSA and Circuit City locations across the country.
I will build a firewall between Jalopnik and Motor Trend and make General Motors pay for it.
I will push for a rule that will require all grayed Jalopnik commenters wear tags identifying them as such so that they don’t accidentally get COTD.
And last but not least, three Jalopnik writers thought I made a funny.
TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 19:30 |
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Sorry you fail the hair requirements to be a writer.
jkm7680
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 19:33 |
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Jkm7680 for writer:
I promise not to ban everybody
I promise not to blackmail/spam everybody
I promise not to annoy everybody intentionally
I promise not to sell Jalopnik to the Chinese
I promise not to outsource all of the preexisting writers to Pakistan
4muddyfeet - bare knuckle with an EZ30
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 19:35 |
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I’m greyed on Jalopnik, can I have my badge please?
Xyl0c41n3
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 19:36 |
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I... I still use a fax machine. :-/
pjhusa
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 19:45 |
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I feel like I've read this before.
Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 19:50 |
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Maybe you’ll be hired to handle the BUSINESS accounts
Dusty Ventures
> jkm7680
04/26/2016 at 19:52 |
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Dusty Ventures for writer:
•I promise to ban everybody on my first day, because I know it’s what you’ve always secretly wanted to do but knew you couldn’t.
•I promise to graciously resign after banning everyone.
...Suddenly my phone is ringing off the hook
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TheHondaBro
> Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
04/26/2016 at 19:58 |
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I WON’T BE HANDLING BUSINESS ACCOUNTS FOR MUCH LONGER, DAKOTA.
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Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 20:01 |
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Dakota Fanning?
Hot Takes Salesman
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 20:02 |
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Ha. My Kinja account is followed, by like, one Jalopnik writer. Certainly a rock solid resume
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Xyl0c41n3
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 20:02 |
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Xyl0c41n3 for writer 2016.
• I plan to talk about the greatest nation on Earth — Texas — all the time.
• I plan to increase Jalopnik’s coverage of tacos by a factor of 1,000 percent. We all know tacos are the most perfect food in the world.
• I plan to wage a campaign to ban all cars except the Fiesta sedan.
• I plan to piss off that one guy in particular.
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Hot Takes Salesman
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 20:03 |
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New update: Get fucking rekt
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TheHondaBro
> Xyl0c41n3
04/26/2016 at 20:05 |
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Washington > Texas
Burrito > Taco
Lexus SC400 > Fiesta Sedan
These are all facts, fam.
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TheHondaBro
> Hot Takes Salesman
04/26/2016 at 20:06 |
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gtfo skrub
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Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 20:33 |
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If it’s a beef crisp burrito from Taco Time, you might have something there
Also, you do not yet own an SC400 so the point is moot.
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Xyl0c41n3
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 20:36 |
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I acknowledge your right to be wrong.
Utterly, horribly, incredibly wrong.
Love ya, fam. :)
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TheHondaBro
> Xyl0c41n3
04/26/2016 at 20:40 |
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V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 20:47 |
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Minnesota>Washington
Hamburgers>Burrito
Broken S600>All(give me an SC400 pls)
Step ur game up m8
certified cool guy
> Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
04/26/2016 at 21:22 |
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noice
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Hot Takes Salesman
> TheHondaBro
04/26/2016 at 22:01 |
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heheheh
Dave the car guy , still here
> TheHondaBro
04/27/2016 at 10:09 |
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I’d hire you on #5 alone.
My citroen won't start
> Xyl0c41n3
08/04/2016 at 19:23 |
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Please, Tacos are just crunchy sandwiches.
My bird IS the word
> TheHondaBro
08/04/2016 at 19:38 |
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Idk, I feel like I could easy do the work, be full of laughs, but I ponder at what I would write about every week. I do have good opinions for columns but not three a week lol. think I should submit the trial articles?
Nibby
> TheHondaBro
08/04/2016 at 20:09 |
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HONDARUB FOR JALONPIK EDITOR IN CHIEF
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Xyl0c41n3
> My citroen won't start
08/04/2016 at 20:15 |
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Don't even start with me, Citroen.
nermal
> Xyl0c41n3
08/04/2016 at 20:27 |
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GTFO with your taco propaganda. Have you ever had a taco with fries on it? No.
Primanti’s > Tacos
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My citroen won't start
> Xyl0c41n3
08/04/2016 at 20:36 |
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No bread encased food item shall surpass lox, cream cheese and bagel.
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Xyl0c41n3
> My citroen won't start
08/04/2016 at 20:48 |
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That’s a pretty limited menu there.
Also, without leaveners, I’d argue that tortillas are not “bread,” especially corn tortillas. And there’s literally no end to what you can wrap with a tortilla.
And, FTR: few Mexican tacos are crunchy and the shit that passes for “taco shells” at places like Taco Bell or the prepackaged ones you can find in grocery stores aren’t tortillas, they’re mold-formed chips. Sure, they’re made from masa de maíz, but that’s like saying cookies and cakes are the same thing just because they’re both made with flour, eggs and sugar. Real Mexican or Tex-Mex crunchy taco shells are made by frying fresh corn tortillas in oil.
I warned you not to get me started, Citroen.
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My citroen won't start
> Xyl0c41n3
08/04/2016 at 20:51 |
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But can you use tortillas as a helmet during the revolution? I think not.
(under my definitions this picture can also be considered a sandwich)
Cookies and cakes are the same thing seeing as both are worse than pie.
wafflesnfalafel
> TheHondaBro
08/04/2016 at 23:23 |
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I’m actually kind of curious what Trump has driven - anybody stumble across any info? I can see him owning Ferraris but I’ve never seen anything about what he’s got in his garage. Given his propensity for his faster than average jets, (727, current 757) maybe he’s got a motorhead streak he doesn’t share?